July 18th, 2010
So I have decided to create this website to help others learn more about female sexual addiction and to help other addicts realize they are not alone. After scanning the web, I realized there are not many websites with real life stories about addiction. There are several self-help websites that describe addiction, causes, behaviors, and effects, but most do not include real confessions. This website is dedicated to my past history and the struggles I face each day. The purpose is to help other addicts realize they are not alone in their daily struggles.
You could say I am either a full blown sex addict, or a border-line addict. Hopefully if you are reading this, you at least know the definition of sexual addiction. There is a 12 step program that all addicts can follow to seek recovery, (alcoholics, drug users, etc) For more information see my Links page. The first step is to admit your life has become unmanageable, and your addiction is ruining your life. I have yet to admit this step, so I personally have not attempted to start a recovery program. I imagine there are men reading this confession as well as women; Female sexual addiction is much different from male addiction. Both have the same destructive behaviors, but each gender developed a problem for different reasons. There is no limit to the number of reasons this behavior can develop. I have educated myself over the past several months and have come up with a few reasons why my behavior problems started:
All three of these have contributed to my sexual behaviors over the last 8 years. I am 25 years old, no children, but in a committed relationship. I have had compulsive relationships over the past several years, one night stands, meeting men online, and multiple boyfriends. Recently I started "cruising" Craigslist both where I live and when I travel for business. The thrill of meeting men online is intoxicating. My addiction has been hiding the dark for the last three years but lately it has taken over and I find myself spending more and more time fueling the addiction through online messaging, facebook, and texting.
I have read two books on Female Sexual Addiction: Loose Girl by Kerry Cohen and Love Sick, One Woman's Journey Through Sexual Addiction by Sue William Silverman. Both books are biographies of women who have dealt with sexual addiction at one point in their lives. Both stories are very different, and mine is also apart from theirs. There are so many different forms of sexual addiction and different levels of addiction that each person's story is different.
More information will be added to this website in the near future. Some of the blogs I will post include;
Past relationship problems. This will mostly be stories about one night stands and what went through my head during all the sexual acts.
Thoughts about my partner and the constant secrecy from all family and friends.
Learning to lie. I have lied so much that I am starting to rationalize that this behavior is normal and "everyone cheats".
Why my problem developed. (My educated guess)
Please come back to visit this website, as I will post information periodically. I am in one of the worst positions with the addiction right now and want to seek help. However, I want to speak with others about the addiction in the privacy of my own home. I may attend SA meetings in the future, but right now that is not an option. The worst part about the addiction is that you are only concerned about meeting someone and looking at potential "scores." It consumes your life in certain aspects and can affect relationships with friends, family, co-workers and destroy your life.
July 25th, 2010
So I first started cruising Craigslist in early 2010, not really looking for anything in particular. It was comical to look at some of the ads and pictures people would post. I eventually reached a point where I needed to find something outside my relationship, so I started looking at the casual encounters section for my area. The first and only ad I answered was a married man who was in a sexless marriage and wanted something more. He didn't just want a day of sex like most on CL, but he wanted to become friends and then perhaps more. We never met up in person, which didn't hurt my feelings any. It was more of having a connection with someone, and we actually talked more about relationship problems than anything. He suddenly stopped talking to me one day a few weeks after we sent emails and I assumed he went back to the rules within marriage. I'm not the type to ruin someone's relationship, regardless of how much i dislike someone. I may have some confusing standards, but openly ruining someone's life on purpose without getting caught is way below me.